tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78239898167038800492024-03-08T13:30:02.713-08:00The Wobbit A ParodyRead exciting excerpts from The Superfriends Of The Ring, a Tolkien parody-in-the-making! Or download The Wobbit A Parody from Amazon and read the whole thing right away!Paul Ericksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12237966238684348671noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823989816703880049.post-81751912392454670812012-04-20T21:47:00.000-07:002012-04-20T21:47:34.727-07:00The Wobbit In The NewsMild-mannered financial reporter Lou Carlozo wrote this excellent piece for Reuters Wealth about The Wobbit. Discover the story behind the Tolkien parody! <a href="http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/04/20/yourmoney-hobbit-parody-idUSL2E8FK5HS20120420">www.reuters.com</a>Paul Ericksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12237966238684348671noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823989816703880049.post-72540628875289059372012-03-06T14:55:00.000-08:002012-03-06T14:55:55.038-08:00International Updates<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b>German Readers</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Hörbuch Hamburg, the German audiobook company, has just purchased the rights for <u>The Wobbit</u>! German friends, be on the lookout for this surefire hit in November 2012!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b>New Zealand Readers</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">When you see Peter Jackson or any of his crew, be sure to mention that <u>The Wobbit A Parody</u> is only $3.00 on Amazon! And ask about a two-film tie-in as well.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b>United Kingdom Readers</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Thanks for your continued support on Amazon.UK! Since my publisher in Munich put together an audiobook deal, I'm now looking forward to their negotiation of the English language rights for <u>The Wobbit</u> in hardcover.</span><br />
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</span>Paul Ericksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12237966238684348671noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823989816703880049.post-495769424257502282012-03-03T07:58:00.000-08:002012-03-03T07:58:19.232-08:00#11 Promo's Afterparty (from The Superfriends Of The Ring)<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:DocumentProperties> <o:Template>Normal</o:Template> <o:Revision>0</o:Revision> <o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime> <o:Pages>1</o:Pages> <o:Words>1451</o:Words> <o:Characters>8274</o:Characters> <o:Lines>68</o:Lines> <o:Paragraphs>16</o:Paragraphs> <o:CharactersWithSpaces>10161</o:CharactersWithSpaces> <o:Version>11.1282</o:Version> </o:DocumentProperties> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:DoNotShowRevisions/> <w:DoNotPrintRevisions/> <w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery> <w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery> <w:UseMarginsForDrawingGridOrigin/> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--> <!--StartFragment--> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal">Promo came in soon afterwards. He glanced about the condo and then quietly asked "Is Uncle Bulbo gone yet?"<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">"Yes, at last," said Pantsoff. "I thought he'd never leave. Oh, he left something for you." He handed Promo the inter-office envelope. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">"Don't bother unwinding the string. Inside is his will, his trust documents, and his tax records. I think he left you his ring, too."<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">"Oh, great," said Promo. "How long do I have to keep that stuff? Five years? Seven years? Forever? I hate filing." He stopped complaining for a moment. "You said his magic ring is in there too? Cool! I'll never have to pay a cover charge to enter a nightclub again!"<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">"Promo, you've inherited Bulbo's fortune, so stop thinking small for a change. Actually, don't think about the ring at all. Just put it away. Keep it secret, and keep it safe!"<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Later that night, the last remaining guests were removed, some in wheelbarrows by gardeners looking for new income streams. A final handful of wobbits refused to get into the barrows under any circumstances, wheeled or otherwise, for fear of the dread barrow-wights. Librarians and middle-school teachers were brought in to explain the various definitions of the word "barrow," but when this didn't help, the gardeners left and movers with hand-trucks arrived. Thus accomodated, the final wobbits were carted off, standing upright in their hand-trucks and unworried by the possibilities of barrows or wights.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Night slowly passed, like unconscious wobbits in wheelbarrows. But finally, late the next morning, even the most unconscious of them were up and around again. They eventually gravitated to the Bunkins ancestral condo. When a sizable crowd had gathered, muttering questions about Bulbo and his whereabouts, Promo stepped out of the aluminium screen door and read a prepared speech.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">"Bulbo Bunkins has left the building. He is leaving Wobbiton to pursue other interests. He's been under a lot of stress lately, and would now like to spend less time with his family. You are trespassing on private property. The Shirriffs will be arriving shortly. Unless your name is on the posted list, get the hell off my lawn." The crowd grumbled and dispersed grudgingly, leaving only those that found themselves listed. Promo called their names one by one, and handed out some deeply disappointing gag gifts, reading the labels aloud:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><i>For BORA BUNKINS in memory of a LONG correspondence, with love from Bulbo;</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> on a flaming bag of dog crap. Bora's annual holiday letter was so self-serving that most of the Bunkinses quickly threw it away unopened. Bulbo hoped that the humor (or "humour" as the wobbits would say) of his gift would be appreciated by all.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><i>For LADLELARD DORK for his VERY OWN, from Bulbo; </i><span style="font-style: normal;">on a flaming bag of dog crap. Bulbo was insecure as a writer, so he telegraphed his jokes by capitalizing the punchlines. Ladlelard never picked up after his dog, an immense dachshund. Immense, relative to a wobbit.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><i>For PHYLO CHURROS, hoping it will be useful, from B.B. </i><span style="font-style: normal;">on a flaming bag of dog crap. Phylo enjoyed leaving flaming bags of dog crap at his nieghbor's front doors on All Hallow's Eve.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><i>For the collection of OUZO BUTTCHRUNCHER, from a contributor; </i><span style="font-style: normal;">on a flaming bag of dog crap. Ouzo collected flaming bags of dog crap, and his collection was admired throughout Wobbiton. At least, by wobbits that liked that sort of thing.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><i>For EARLOBIA SNACKBAG-BUNKINS, as a PRESENT; </i><span style="font-style: normal;">on a flaming bag of dog crap. Bulbo had taken a lot of crap from her over the years, and now could return the compliment with impunity.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Bulbo had hoped to indulge his love of irony by selecting an individualized and truly insulting gift for each recipient. But as is so often the case, he waited until the last minute and then had to make do with whatever was at hand. He had been busy with the party, after all. At least the notes were personalized.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Despite the hostile nature of the gag gifts, Bulbo also had put aside a great many real gifts that were wanted and welcomed by poor wobbits from the bad side of Wobbiton. These wobbits were so poor they couldn't live in anything as nice as a hole. To many of them he gave bottles of fortified buckie-wine. No wobbits wear shoes, so even the poorest wouldn't want them, but many of them enjoyed the legwarmers Bulbo gave away. To the very poorest, most of whom were in his employ, Bulbo finally made payment for their unused sick days. This was in accordance with a decision made in arbitration years earlier that Bulbo had avoided paying out. When you're the richest wobbit in town, things tend to go your way. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">After everyone else left with their gag gifts, Earlobia Snackbag-Bunkins and her husband Oboe barged into the condo to hassle Promo. Their conversation was rather offensive. Perhaps not as offensive as a flaming bag of dog crap, but still offensive. They offered Promo unsolicited advice on planning a yard sale of Bulbo's belongings, hinting that they would take some of the hard-to-sell items off his hands if he asked them nicely. As they talked they poked around Bulbo's home office. Earlobia found a pile of musical items left behind by Borin & Company when they surprised Bulbo at brunch sixty years earlier. He had been meaning to return them, but kept forgetting. There were noseflutes, cowbells, some forgotten fiddlesticks, and a pair of spoons that Borin's nephew Bufu had played beautifully. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Realizing they were not suddenly going to be offered some sort of settlement, Oboe tried a new approach. "This whole business stinks. And I'm not just talking about the gag gifts. The will says you're the sole heir, Promo? Sole heir, my Aunt Fanny! I demand to see the will!" Promo went to the mantle, got the red rope envelope and gave it to Oboe, who began unwinding the string.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">"I'll be in the kitchen," said Promo. "Let me know when you've got that open." He really wished he could vanish, and then he noticed that Bulbo's ring had mysteriously found it's way from the string-tied envelope into his pocket. He fidgeted with it for a moment, and then remembered why he came into the kitchen.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">He started making some grilled cheese sandwiches for himself and Maryellen Buckiebrand. Mary was hanging around to avoid returning to Buckiebrand Hall, where it was his night to do the dishes. The two of them were done eating when Oboe called to them from the other room that he had the envelope open. It was a very long string, and the Snackbag-Bunkinses were almost as old as Bulbo. They did not benefit from the uncanny side-effects of a magic ring to keep them in perpetual middle-age, so they weren't as vigorous or as insulting as they had been in their prime. But they gave it their best.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">"I'll be dipped!" said Oboe. "This will looks legit! Come on, Earlobia, let's get out of here. Curses, foiled again!" As they walked past the pile of dwarven musical accessories, Earlobia picked up a pair of claves and a few fiddlesticks.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">"Just let him try to stop us!" she said to her husband. "We're old, and we're entitled, will or no will."<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">"And after waiting sixty years!" she said. "Fiddlesticks? Spoons! Let's take the spoons, too!" Loaded with musical knick-knacks, they stepped out of the condo and stumped off. They would have scuttled, like most wobbits, but for their advanced years. Earlobia stopped for a moment, trying to come up with a more memorable parting line.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Oboe turned to her and said "Forget it, dear. It's Wobbiton." <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">As they continued to stump back to their own hole, they passed Pantsoff, who was heading towards Bulbo's condo. When he arrived there, he banged on the rattly screen door with his staff, which made the door even more rattly. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">"Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in!" he shouted as he opened the door.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">"Thank goodness it's you, Pantsoff!" said Promo. Never before had anyone ever said that to Pantsoff. "I thought it was Earlobia back again to steal more of Bulbo's old junk. I was ready to use his ring to disappear! Hey, what else does it do, besides providing eternal middle-age and making you disappear. Could I use it to turn the Snackbag-Bunkinses into llamas?<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">"Easy there, junior," said Pantsoff. "All the facts aren't in on that thing. The last sixty years just haven't been enough time for me to research the ring fully. I keep scheduling time to work on it, and then something else comes up and then the research has to be planned forward a few more years. You know how it is. So, why is it that you had the ring in your pocket at all? Is that secret? Or safe?"<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">"Well, um, I..."<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">"Just as I thought. The ring is already calling the shots, just as it was starting to do with Bulbo. Didn't you notice the effect it had on him?"<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">"Yes," said Promo. "It made him invisible and very rich, and it kept him from ever getting old."<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">"No, I mean besides that," said Pantsoff. "Any mood swings, irritability, rashes, fevers, that sort of thing?"<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">"Not that I noticed." <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">"Well, be very careful with it. Try not to wear it, or handle it, or look at it, or think about it too much. But make sure you always know where it is, secret and safe."<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">"Should Mary be hearing all this?" said Promo. "He's in the kitchen."<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">"Son of a—" said Pantsoff as Mary walked in. "Mary, from now on you have to keep it secret and safe, too. Understand?"<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">"Whatever," said Mary as he went to take a nap in the guest room.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">"With all these side effects," said Promo, "isn't it kind of dangerous for me to keep it here."<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">"Oh my, no!" said Pantsoff. "No need to worry. Just as long as it's secret and safe, and you're not looking at it longingly or thinking about it."<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">"Great," said Promo. "Are you staying for dinner again?"<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">"I wish I could, but I can't. There's a guy I've got to talk to about this ring. Gotta run. You'll see me later, unless I see you first. Good-bye now. Bye!"<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Promo saw him to the door. Pantsoff walked off at a surprising pace, but bent, as if carrying a great weight. Like a sack of gold coins, one of which was discovered to be missing the next day. Promo didn't see him again for a long time.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><h3 class="post-title entry-title" style="color: #1b0431; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #29303b;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: ArialMT;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', -webkit-fantasy; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">Keep coming back for more of<u> Superfriends Of The Ring</u>. To read my loving, insightful, full-length parody of <u>The Hobbit</u>, order a copy of my eBook <u>The Wobbit</u> on Amazon for only $3.00: <span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004ZR9ELK" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004ZR9ELK</a> </span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: ArialMT;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', -webkit-fantasy; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;"><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><br />
</span></span></span></span></div></div></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">If you don't have a Kindle reader, you can download the Kindle app from Amazon for free and then read <u>The Wobbit</u> on your Mac, PC, smartphone or microwave oven. Visit Amazon: </span></span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/ref=amb_link_357628962_14?ie=UTF8&docId=1000493771&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=left-1&pf_rd_r=0GM6T5S9MVDJ79KRY2M3&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=1322653562&pf_rd_i=133141011" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/</a></span></i></span></span></h3><br />
<!--EndFragment-->Paul Ericksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12237966238684348671noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823989816703880049.post-1058405480471331252012-02-29T15:38:00.000-08:002012-02-29T15:38:35.513-08:00Check out my Facebook page!<div><br />
</div>If you're enjoying my posts, please visit my recently redecorated Facebook page <a href="http://www.facebook.com/TheWobbitAParody" target="_blank">http://www.facebook.com/TheWobbitAParody</a> to see news, art and links related to <u>Superfriends Of The Ring</u> as well as <u>The Wobbit A Parody.</u><div><u><br />
</u></div><div>And <b><i>please</i></b>, while you're there, be sure to Like the page. It's full of quirky fun Tolkien-related stuff, and I plan to more with it. Thanks for your support!</div><div><br />
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</div>Paul Ericksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12237966238684348671noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823989816703880049.post-33157359244645086692012-02-20T11:58:00.000-08:002012-02-20T11:58:37.994-08:00#10 Bulbo Finally Leaves Wobbiton<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"You've left the party, Pantsoff!" said Bulbo. "The frozen Margaritas must have run out."</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"No," said Pantsoff. "There was just no sense in lingering. Too many sloshed wobbits looking for fights as they staggered to their waggons in the parking lot. I'm at a point in my career where I can't be seen duking it out with someone half my height. Did you like my concluding fireworks?"</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"I loved watching those rubes run for their lives!" said Bulbo. "But why did you add the popcorn effect to my disappearance? My relatives thought you turned me into Fiddle Faddle!"</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"And then they gathered you up and ate you!"</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"They like a good snack," said Bulbo. "But it spoils my joke if they suspect you of foul play!"</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Since when is disappearing a joke? I'd call it more of a stage illusion. It's also a great way of drawing attention to the ring you've kept secret since the SmithiBank gig at the Only Mountain. Bulbo, I never know what you're going to do next!"</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"I'm going on vacation. I am old, Pantsoff. Not as old as you of course, but old. I don't look it, but I'm beginning to feel it. Come to think of it, I've known you for decades and you've been an old man the whole time. What's with that?" </span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Pantsoff shrugged.</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Like I was saying, I feel all thin, sort of <i>stretched</i>, if you know what I mean, like when I joined that yoga class by mistake. I need a change! I want to see mountains again, Pantsoff—<i>mountains. </i>I want to see them through a large window in a ski resort, as I sit in a recliner by a roaring fire, sipping mulled wine. I'll be able to finish the Deluxe Reissue of my book, with a new ending: <i>and he lived happily ever after to the end of his days</i>."<i> </i></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><br />
</i></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Pantsoff laughed. "That has to be an improvement over all the other endings you tried: <i>After all, tomorrow is another day </i>or<i style="font-weight: bold;"> </i><i>Pantsoff, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship, </i>or<i> That'll do, pig, that'll do. </i>But nobody will ever read the book, however it ends. The excerpts you posted were horrible!"</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Promo read them, and he thought they were great!"</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"He has to," said Pantsoff. "He's your sole heir. He doesn't want you to write him back out of your will."</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Good old Promo. You'll keep an eye on him, won't you, Pantsoff?"</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Yes, I will—two eyes, and a foot on his neck, as often as I can spare them. He's a tweenager, after all. If only I weren't so busy with my research on your ring. Say, where is the ring, anyway? We had a deal, you were to give it up."</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Oh, it's here," said Bulbo. "And Promo will get it with everything else: the condo, the rootball cards and collectibles, the investments with SmithiBank, and of course the silver, gold and all the jools."</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"The what?"</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"I'm sorry, the 'jewels.' Daddy Shortlegs long suspected I had them, but my stupid gardner has been denying it for years. I'm leaving him and his son to Promo, too. They'll be his problem."</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Yeah, that's great, Bulbo, but where's the ring?</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"The what?"</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"The ring!" said Pantsoff. "Where is it?"</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"It's in an inter-office envelope right there on the mantle, you old idiot! What are you: blind or stupid? I swear, you are the most self-absorbed— oh wait. Here it is in my pocket. No offense, Pantsoff."</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"None taken, half-pint. Now reach way up and set it on the mantle."</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Listen, you hulking geezer, where do you get off telling me what to do with my joolery?"</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Easy there, knee-high. Let's not get fussy."</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"If I am it is your fault," said Bulbo. "It is mine, I tell you, mine! All mine! Bwa-ha-ha! My precious, I say, precious! Look at me when I talk to you, son! The precious is mine, I say, mine!"</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"That voice! Where have I heard that voice?" said Pantsoff. "Now I remember! You sound exactly like the creature you 'won' the ring from, Lady Gol-Gol! And that's not meant as a compliment!"</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Here we go," said Bulbo.</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"That's right! Let me tell you for the brazillionth time how potentially dangerous this ring is! Oh, and that 'stretched' feeling you mentioned? Probably caused by the ring! Look at the legal disclaimers for any magic ring, and you'll see things like 'May cause nausea, drymouth, night hysteria and certain sexual side effects. Not for use by pregnant women, pregnant dwarfs, pregnant elves, or pregnant wobbits. Stretched feelings may result.' Give up the ring, Bulbo!"</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Give it up to who? You?"</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Pantsoff's eyes flashed above his menacing nose-hairs. The room darkened and he seemed to grow large, which is common when you try to stand up straight in a wobbit's rumpus room. Bulbo gaped at him and scuttled into a corner.</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Eek!" he said.</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Bulbo Bunkins! Do not take me for some conjuror of cheap tricks! I'm a wizard and a project manager, and my mystical Gannt charts all tell me that it is time for you to give up the ring!" The light returned to the room and Pantsoff appeared to shrink as he re-lit the lamps and sat down. Bulbo peeked out from behind the Lay-Z-Boy.</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Are you d-d-done?" he asked.</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Quite," said Pantsoff. "Now give us a hug!"</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Please, Pantsoff. Not in front of the dwarves." Three dwarves entered the room with Bulbo's baggage, parcels and paraphernalia. Bulbo quickly recovered from his fright at Pantsoff's cheap trick. "Well, I'm off. I hope there's a market for your research. Give my best to Promo."</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Guys, give us a minute," Pantsoff said to the dwarves, who discreetly took Bulbo's things outside. Pantsoff continued with Bulbo. </span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"And the ring?"</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"The what, now?"</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"The ring," said Pantsoff, sighing. "It's still in your pocket."</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Ah, yes," said Bulbo. "So it is." He pulled out the red-rope envelope.</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Great. Is the ring in there, and is it the ring we're talking about? Why don't you open that envelope?"</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Bulbo glared at him, and started unwinding the string that kept the envelope's flap closed. </span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Take your time," said Pantsoff.</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Bulbo finally got the string undone. He opened the envelope, held it out at arm's lenght, and turned it over. A little while later, the ring dropped out to the floor. It landed with a strange "Ka-Boom" sound, and immediately lay flat on the linoleum floor.</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Whew!" said Pantsoff. "I'm glad that thing didn't bounce away or roll. I wasn't about to try to get it out from under your chiffarobe."</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"It's a home entertainment center."</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Maybe a credenza?"</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Whatever," said Bulbo, as he opened his aluminum screen door for the last time and joined the dwarves in the Wobbiton darkness. They walked off, as Bulbo sang quitely to himself a reprise of an old song, not bothering to update the lyrics:</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><br />
</i></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The show must go forever on </i></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>so if there’s money to be made </i></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I’ll once more put my mailshirt on </i></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>and kill a dragon again, someday </i></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Or else I’ll send a relative </i></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>off to risk his limb and life </i></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>To him my magic ring I’ll give </i></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>and my magic Elf Army Knife </i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><br />
</i></span><br />
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<div style="font-family: Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><h3 class="post-title entry-title" style="color: #1b0431; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #29303b;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: ArialMT;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', -webkit-fantasy; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Keep coming back for more of<u> Superfriends Of The Ring</u>. To read my loving, insightful, full-length parody of <u>The Hobbit</u>, order a copy of my eBook <u>The Wobbit</u> on Amazon for only $3.00: <span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004ZR9ELK" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004ZR9ELK</a> </span></span></span></span></span><br />
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</span></span></span></span></span></div></div></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">If you don't have a Kindle reader, you can download the Kindle app from Amazon for free and then read <u>The Wobbit</u> on your Mac, PC, smartphone or microwave oven. It's easy, visit Amazon now! </span></span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/ref=amb_link_357628962_14?ie=UTF8&docId=1000493771&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=left-1&pf_rd_r=0GM6T5S9MVDJ79KRY2M3&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=1322653562&pf_rd_i=133141011" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/</a></span></i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #29303b;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: ArialMT;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', -webkit-fantasy; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><br />
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</div><div style="color: black; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Every Bunkins, Boffo, Dork, Buckiebrand, Blobb, Slobb, Churros, Bulger, Buttcruncher, Craphouse, Widebody, Hornhonker, and Smellfoot began to talk at once. Mostly they were asking where the dessert carts and Elvish Coffee were. Everyone talked except Promo. He had enjoyed Bulbo's joke, but didn't say so or laugh out loud; he thought it was more of a publicity stunt than a joke. This was too bad, since Bulbo had intended to sneak out of town. To help still some of the controversy, Promo ordered that Pantsoff's huge supply of distilled spirits be quietly added to all punch, beer and wine. Given the appetite of the normal wobbit, many of them would forget about Bulbo's joke by morning, if they remembered the evening at all. Before a mickey could be slipped into his beer, though, Promo drained it and left quickly. He didn't want to have to dodge any of Pantsoff's final fireworks.</div><div style="color: black; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">As for Bulbo Bunkins, you probably realize without being told that he had disappeared using the golden ring you're familiar with; the very magic ring that he had acquired on his journey with the Dwarves of Smithibank as detailed in his book <u>There Goes My Back Again</u>. After getting the wrong ring on the first try,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"> he slipped it on his finger, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">disappeared, and was never seen by any wobbit in Wobbiton again, much like Hootie And The Blowfish.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">He walked back to his below-ground condo, listening with a smile to the ka-booms of very low altitude fireworks and the shrieks of slow-moving party guests. Then he stepped down through the "al-u-minium" screen door into his home. He took off his tuxedo and put on a worn out dwarven cloak and </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">some tattered corduroy pants so old the corduroy was worn smooth in many spots</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">He pushed some old Smithibank t-shirts aside in a dresser drawer and found an Elf Army Knife with multiple tools and the traditional red handle. It was only a pocket knife, but for a wobbit it was the size of an average shortsword, or perhaps a very short longsword. Large as it was for him, it fit discreetly into a pocket of the ancient pants. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">He reached under his bed, not easy for any wobbit, and pulled out a hole-punched manuscript in a leather three-ring binder, which he put with some spare boxers, a few waistcoats and a swim suit into a large gladstone bag. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Then he swore, dug his tuxedo pants out of the laundry hamper, and took his golden ring out of one of the pockets. It was now attached to a fine chain, an uncanny chain that had been mysteriously absent during his disappearing act at the party. He went to his desk and found an old bank envelope with a </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">red string and two </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">buttons on the back. He put in his ring with its chain, closed the flap and wound the red rope back and forth around and around and around the two buttons. It was a really long string, because the envelope was only for the most important bank business. It said so on the front of the envelope. He wound it some more around and around until he ran out of rope. The envelope was sealed. He swore again, unwound and unwound the string, removed the ring and chain, and found a pen and ink. On the front of the envelope in the "To" column he wrote Promo's name, and in the "From" column he wrote his own. The he put the whole thing back together and put it on the coffee table by his recliner. Then he picked it up and stuck it in his pocket. It was then that Pantsoff walked in.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">"You've left the party!" said Bulbo. "The frozen Margaritas must have run out."</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><div style="font-family: Times; font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><h3 class="post-title entry-title" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #29303b;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: ArialMT;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', -webkit-fantasy; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">Keep coming back for more of<u> Superfriends Of The Ring</u>. To read my loving, insightful, full-length parody of <u>The Hobbit</u>, order a copy of my eBook <u>The Wobbit</u> on Amazon for only $3.00: <span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004ZR9ELK" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004ZR9ELK</a> . </span></span></span></span></div></div></span></span></span></h3><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"></div></div><div style="font-family: Times; font-size: medium; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></span></i></span></span></span></div></div></div></div></div></div><div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">If you don't have a Kindle reader, you can download the Kindle app from Amazon for free and then read <u>The Wobbit</u> on your Mac, PC, smartphone or microwave oven. Visit </span></span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/ref=amb_link_357628962_14?ie=UTF8&docId=1000493771&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=left-1&pf_rd_r=0GM6T5S9MVDJ79KRY2M3&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=1322653562&pf_rd_i=133141011" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/</a></span></i></span></span></span></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"></div></div><div style="font-family: Times; font-size: medium;"></div></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div>Paul Ericksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12237966238684348671noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823989816703880049.post-82359630954577446522012-02-03T13:38:00.000-08:002012-02-06T22:21:11.098-08:00#8 The Wobbit's Speech (from The Superfriends Of The Ring)<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: maroon; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"></span><br />
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<h3 class="post-title entry-title" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #29303b;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> <div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: ArialMT, helvetica, sans-serif;">Pantsoff and the two young wobbits returned to the party looking for table space that would allow the three of them to sit together. They walked past many Bunkinses and Boffos, and also many Dorks and Buckiebrands. There were various Blobbs (relations of Bulbo's grandmother) and Slobbs (connexions of his Dork grandfather who insisted on spelling "connexions" with an "x"). There was a selection of Churroses, Bulgers, Buttcrunchers, Craphouses, Widebodies, Hornhonkers and Smellfoots. The Snackbag-Bunkinses were not forgotten, and could not be, since they were rude even by wobbit standards. Oboe and his wife Earlobia hated Bulbo and liked Promo even less, but they knew if they didn't attend they would be openly lampooned by Bulbo in his inevitable after-dinner speech. Pantsoff was looking forward to it for some reason, but the wobbits he was dragging along, Mariellen and Puppy, would have chewed their own legs off to escape. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: ArialMT;">Bulbo was about to begin. His guests were all groggy from too many fried cheese curds, or on a post-sugar buzz crash from too many deep fried Twinkies, or geezed from too much bulk-purchase beer. They were still eating and drinking, of course, and would continue to do so as long as there were tater tots and box wine within arms reach. <span style="color: #29303b;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: ArialMT;">Bulbo's table was in front of the Party Tree, which was festooned with toilet paper, conveniently close to the Party Latrines. The dwarves that dug them insisted that they be behind the head table to keep the run-off away from the pig-roast area. This had seemed like a smart approach until the wind shifted earlier in the afternoon. Bulbo stood up and cleared his throat.<span style="color: #7d0a00;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: ArialMT;">"Stand up!" shouted a Heckler. The entire Heckler family had come all the way from distant Bugford Falls to eat Bulbo's free food.<span style="color: #7d0a00;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: ArialMT;">"He is standing up!" shouted another. This is how all wobbit speeches begin.<span style="color: #7d0a00;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: ArialMT;"><i>My dear Bunkinses and Boffos, </i></span><span style="font-family: ArialMT;">he began again; <i>and my dear Dorks and Buckiebrands, and Blobbs, and Slobbs, and Churroses, and Hornhonkers, and Bulgers, Buttcrunchers, Widebodies, Craphouses, and Smellfoots. </i></span><span style="font-family: ArialMT;">"SmellFEET!" shouted an elderly wobbit. <span style="color: #7d0a00;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: ArialMT;">"Smell your own feet!" shouted another of the Hecklers.<span style="color: #7d0a00;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: ArialMT;"><i>Smellfoots, </i></span><span style="font-family: ArialMT;">insisted Bulbo.<i> Also my good Snackbag-Bunkinses that I welcome, </i></span><span style="font-family: ArialMT;">Bulbo paused to do air-quotes,<i> at last, back to my condo behind Virginia's Beauty Parlor. Today is my one hundred and eleventh birthday. I am eleventy-one today! One-one-one! Almost one hundred twelve! </i></span><span style="font-family: ArialMT;">He went on like this for some time. It was all so pointless that even the Hecklers were speechless.<span style="color: #7d0a00;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: ArialMT;"><i>Like I said, Eleventy-one years, which is far too short a time to live among such excellent and admirable wobbits! Although when one is with my dear Snackbag-Bunkinses, eleventy one years seems like a very long time indeed. </i></span><span style="font-family: ArialMT;">Tremendous outburst of approval.<span style="color: #7d0a00;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: ArialMT;"><i>I don't like half of you half as well as you might think, and I know less than half of what you think of me, which is how I like it.</i></span><span style="font-family: ArialMT;"> There followed a brief silence, broken when one confused wobbit yelled "He's a witch!" Nervously, Bulbo reached into his pocket, as if he was about to draw a gun and shoot his way out. But he had an even better exit planned.<span style="color: #7d0a00;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: ArialMT;"><i>Finally, </i></span><span style="font-family: ArialMT;">he said, <i>I wish to make a couple of announcements. Will the owner of the blue ox-cart please move it immediately, you're double parked. Also, I regret to announce that I am going. I am leaving NOW. GOODBYE!</i></span><span style="color: #7d0a00; font-family: ArialMT;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: ArialMT;">Nothing happened. He looked panicky, patted his pockets, took a ring off his finger, and reached into his pocket again.<span style="color: #7d0a00;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: ArialMT;"><i>No kidding this time. I am leaving NOW, REALLY. GOODBYE!</i></span><span style="color: #7d0a00; font-family: ArialMT;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: ArialMT;">He stepped down and vanished. There was a sudden flurry of fresh, hot popcorn falling out of air. The guests all took off their hats and held them up to catch yet more snack food for themselves. Then they noticed that Bulbo was gone.<span style="color: #7d0a00;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: ArialMT;">"Finally!" a Heckler shouted. "I thought he'd never stop talking!"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: ArialMT;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', -webkit-fantasy; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">Keep coming back for more of<u> Superfriends Of The Ring</u>. To read my loving, insightful, full-length parody of <u>The Hobbit</u>, order a copy of my eBook <u>The Wobbit</u> on Amazon for only $3.00: <span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004ZR9ELK" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004ZR9ELK</a> . </span></span></span></span></div></span></span></span></h3></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
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<div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></span></i></span></span></span></div></div></div></div></div><div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">If you don't have a Kindle reader, you can download the Kindle app from Amazon for free and then read <u>The Wobbit</u> on your Mac, PC, smartphone or microwave oven. Visit </span></span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/ref=amb_link_357628962_14?ie=UTF8&docId=1000493771&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=left-1&pf_rd_r=0GM6T5S9MVDJ79KRY2M3&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=1322653562&pf_rd_i=133141011" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/</a></span></i></span></span></span></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></span></div>Paul Ericksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12237966238684348671noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823989816703880049.post-29069818692857646632012-01-27T19:32:00.000-08:002012-01-27T19:54:23.932-08:00#7 Bonus Scene: Pantsoff Finds Mary And Puppy (from The Superfriends Of The Ring)<div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
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</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Two young wobbits watched Pantsoff's fireworks with great interest. One took a quirky little bite out of the fried pickle he was holding as he glanced about suspiciously. The wobbits ducked into the fireworks tent. A skyrocket exploded overhead, the sparks spelling out "Shop in Wobbiton and save! Paid for by the Wobbiton Chamber of Commerce." The second wobbit, who somehow looked even stupider than the one holding a fried pickle, grabbed a nearby rocket.</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">"No, no!" said the pickle-wobbit. "Big one! Big one!" The stupid wobbit picked up another rocket so fanciful-looking that it seemed hazardous to launch. "Well? Stick it in the ground!"</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">"Stick what in the ground?" said the stupid one.</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">"The skyrocket of course! What did you think I meant?"</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">"I don't know. Whatever." The stupid wobbit stuck it in the ground. "Got a match?"</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">"Yeah, your face and my butt!" the first wobbit said, gesturing grandly with his pickle. "Ha! Really though, I don't, do you?"</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">"Do I what?"</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">"Do you have a match? Because I don't! Come on, dude!"</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">"No, I quit smoking. Well, now what do we—Youch!"</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Both wobbits suddenly found themselves getting terrifying wedgies. Behind them was a bearded old man. He was twice their height, which gave him excellent leverage as he pulled higher and higher on the waistbands of their undies. Soon they were standing uncomfortably on tip-toe, as he addressed them each. </div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">"Mariellen Buckiebrand" he said to the one with the pickle. "And Parafin Dork. I might have known. Were you really going to set off a skyrocket inside a tent? A tent with clearly posted signs reading 'No Smoking'? A tent filled with fireworks, 190-proof Dwarven Everclear, and Southron-made flammable children's sleepware?"</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">"We were mostly improvising," said Mariellen. He liked to be called Rock, but everyone called him Mary. "We hadn't thought our plan through this far."</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">"It was all Mary's idea," said Paraffin. He was often called Puppy, not because of his cute, large eyes, but in recognition of his wisdom, attention-span and self-control.</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">"Idiots! I should turn you both into Crackerjack. You were about to burn yourselves horribly and ruin my remaining fireworks! But thanks to my intervention there will be plenty of rockets left to chase off any remaining guests at closing time. I just stopped in to get some distilled spirits to liven up Bulbo's punchbowl." </div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">"Here, take a bottle in each hand. My hands are both full," he said as he dragged the wobbits by the back of their underwear out of the tent. "Let's rejoin the party. Bulbo is about to make his speech!"</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">"Oh no!" cried Mary and Puppy. "Please turn us into Crackerjack, Pantsoff! Candy-coated popcorn, peanuts and a prize! Please!"<br />
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</div></div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; font-size: medium; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Keep coming back for more of<u> Superfriends Of The Ring</u>. To read my loving, insightful, full-length parody of <u>The Hobbit</u>, order a copy of my eBook <u>The Wobbit</u> on Amazon for only $3.00: <span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004ZR9ELK" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004ZR9ELK</a> . </span></span></span></i></span></span></div></div></div></div><div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; font-size: medium; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></span></i></span></span></div></div></div></div><div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; font-size: medium; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">If you don't have a Kindle reader, you can download the Kindle app from Amazon for free and then read <u>The Wobbit</u> on your Mac, PC, smartphone or microwave oven. Visit </span></span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/ref=amb_link_357628962_14?ie=UTF8&docId=1000493771&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=left-1&pf_rd_r=0GM6T5S9MVDJ79KRY2M3&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=1322653562&pf_rd_i=133141011" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/</a></span></i></span></span></div></div></div></div></div></div>Paul Ericksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12237966238684348671noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823989816703880049.post-75509682199490497562012-01-10T07:20:00.000-08:002012-01-26T21:55:20.332-08:00#6 The Long Expected Brunch Begins (from The Superfriends Of The Ring)<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Thursday, September 22 finally dawned. Before the gates were opened, wobbits were already lined up hoping for free breakfast burritos and hazelnut lattes. Bulbo had hoped that by having his party at noon on a work-day he would avoid an unmanageably large turnout, but this was not the case. Wobbits far and wide took sick days and arrived, ready to start eating and drinking. Most of them had not returned their RSVPs, and many of them weren’t invited at all. Bulbo met his guests and party-crashers in front of the crater Pantsoff had created when he “relocated” some poorly-placed playground equipment. The crater was filled with gifts that Bulbo handed out to all and Sundry. The latter, Mr. Blotto Sundry, was an acquaintance of Bulbo’s from The W Bush, a small inn on the Buythewater road.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Wobbits give gifts to others on their birthdays. Not very good ones, of course, but it kept the Wobbiton gift-wrap industry booming. And it was a welcome diversion at work to have a birthday gift distribution a couple of times a week. Nobody really liked the gifts: chia pets, ginsu knives, blankets with sleeves, but they liked the excitement of getting them. They were usually cheaply made, often with the logos from various dwarf banks or investment companies on them, a sure sign of re-gifting.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Finally the incredible delay caused by the gift-bottleneck at the entrance was over. Everyone had received their gift and found a seat, and the drinking and eating began. There were three official meals: brunch, cocktails, and happy hour. These events were marked chiefly by the fact that there was food available with the drinks that flowed constantly. The rest of the time everyone was drinking as much as possible, since a rumor was circulating that the open bar would become a cash bar once the fireworks started.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">The fireworks were by Pantsoff, and they were surprisingly good. Pantsoff claimed to be an expert at almost everything, but he was actually great at two things: fireworks and popcorn. He could magically turn anything into popcorn, such as goblins, wolves or debt collectors. This was a much sought-after skill for parties such as Bulbo’s, which relied on plenty of cheap snacks. His fireworks were equally famous. He let off the larger rockets and effects himself, but he had a large inventory of firecrackers and sparklers that he freely gave away to any wobbit child that asked. “Don’t forget to stop, drop and roll!” he would say with a smile. His show featured a variety of flashes and and explosions, all of which ended up spelling something like<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">“Visit Enron’s Last Waffle House! Try our new Chicken and Waffle Platter!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"></div><div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Keep coming back for more of<u> Superfriends Of The Ring</u>. To read my loving, insightful, full-length parody of <u>The Hobbit</u>, order a copy of my eBook <u>The Wobbit</u> on Amazon for only $3.00: <span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004ZR9ELK" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004ZR9ELK</a> . </span></span></span></i></span></span></div></div><div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></span></i></span></span></div></div><div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">If you don't have a Kindle reader, you can download the Kindle app from Amazon for free and then read <u>The Wobbit</u> on your Mac, PC, smartphone or microwave oven. Visit </span></span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/ref=amb_link_357628962_14?ie=UTF8&docId=1000493771&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=left-1&pf_rd_r=0GM6T5S9MVDJ79KRY2M3&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=1322653562&pf_rd_i=133141011" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/</a></span></i></span></span></div></div>Paul Ericksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12237966238684348671noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823989816703880049.post-92145447125174190482012-01-06T21:06:00.000-08:002012-01-26T21:54:32.257-08:00#5 Preparing For The Party (from Superfriends Of The Ring)<div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">A notice appeared on Bulbo's rickety screen door: 1) MEETINGS BY APPOINTMENT ONLY and below that 2) APPOINTMENTS MUST BE SET AT REGULAR MEETINGS. Bulbo became even more reclusive than normal, plotting and scheming constantly. </div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">One morning, all of Wobbiton was startled awake by a tremendous explosion. It came from a public park near the beauty salon. When wobbits from three neighboring homes went to investigate, they found Pantsoff standing in front of a smoking crater. </div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">"That was some fine wizarding, if I do say so myself" he said to one and all. The blast radius centered in a spot previously occupied by a swing set, a teeter totter and a jungle gym. With the playground equipment blown up, cartloads of tents, tiki-torches and horseshoe pits were brought in directly from the road. Pantsoff paid off the families to cover repairs of shrapnel damage to their homes and to keep them from making any official complaints to the Shirrif's Office. He had plenty of Bulbo's money available for his expenses.</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Ham Sammich was soon re-tasked from his fake gardening duties to lead the putting-up of the tents. He introduced himself to everyone by saying "I'm the Tent-Erection Supervisor, you know, who makes sure the laborers are working hard." He called his son Sham the "Erection Foreman" until Sham begged him to stop.</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Despite Ham's leadership, the tents were eventually assembled. The finest elf-cooks were brought in from the Murkywood Wood-Elf Lodge, and dwarf engineers were soon digging state-of-the-art latrines. The dwarves suggested that the especially large tree at one end of the park be decorated with festive yet practical strands of toilet paper.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Keep coming back for more of<u> Superfriends Of The Ring</u>. To read my loving, insightful, full-length parody of <u>The Hobbit</u>, order a copy of my eBook <u>The Wobbit</u> on Amazon for only $3.00: <span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004ZR9ELK" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004ZR9ELK</a> . </span></span></span></i></span></span></div><div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></span></i></span></span></div><div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">If you don't have a Kindle reader, you can download the Kindle app from Amazon for free and then read <u>The Wobbit</u> on your Mac, PC, smartphone or microwave oven. Visit </span></span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/ref=amb_link_357628962_14?ie=UTF8&docId=1000493771&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=left-1&pf_rd_r=0GM6T5S9MVDJ79KRY2M3&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=1322653562&pf_rd_i=133141011" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/</a></span></i></span></span></div></div>Paul Ericksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12237966238684348671noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823989816703880049.post-58117126720695402162011-12-15T08:15:00.000-08:002012-01-26T21:53:31.715-08:00#4 Bulbo's Secret Plan (from The Superfriends Of The Ring)<div class="MsoNormal"><br />
<br />
Outside of Bulbo’s condo behind the beauty salon, he and Pantsoff sat smoking their pipes. It was a filthy habit Bulbo had picked up on their project with Borin Oakmanfield and the dwarves, and he had trouble quitting it, somehow. He blew an expert smoke ring that rose away over the garden that Ham and his son Sham Sammich tended for minimum wage. Pantsoff blew a series of rings that linked together to spell out <i>Pantsoff The Wizard, your one-stop project management solution!</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> As the cloud drifted, it flashed different colors.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“I think I need a holiday,” said Bulbo.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“A holiday from what?” said Pantsoff. “You haven’t done a day’s work since the Oakmanfield Project!”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“A vacation, then. You know, my plan, my secret plan. At the party, with my little joke.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“The one about the elf and his proctologist?”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“No,” said Bulbo. “The one where I disappear from my own party and leave the bar bill for the Snackbag-Bunkinses.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Ah,” said Pantsoff. “Not much of a joke, really. More of a prank. Who will laugh, I wonder?”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The next day more carts rolled up to the beauty salon. There might have been some grumbling along the lines of “Shop locally!” or “Support small businesses!” but that very week orders started pouring out to community merchants, requiring Bulbo to pay the Wobbiton sales tax. Deliveries were made of bulk-package hors d’oeuvres, boxes of wine, countless rolls of crepe paper decorations and every cheap party commodity you can imagine. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Before long, invitations began pouring out. The service at the Wobbiton post-office became even slower than ever, and the one in Buythewater township simply closed until vagrants could be rounded up to help. Bulbo blamed these “guest workers” for the low volume of RSVPs. In fact, his pre-stamped response cards reading <i>Thank you, I shall certainly come, with one guest</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> were mostly sitting on kitchen counters and dining room tables from Bug End to Bugger Heights. Bulbo was never to get an accurate headcount.</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="font-style: normal;"></span><br />
<div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Keep coming back for more of<u> Superfriends Of The Ring</u>. To read my loving, insightful, full-length parody of <u>The Hobbit</u>, order a copy of my eBook <u>The Wobbit</u> on Amazon for only $3.00: <span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004ZR9ELK" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004ZR9ELK</a> . </span></span></span></i></span></span></div><div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></span></i></span></span></div><div style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">If you don't have a Kindle reader, you can download the Kindle app from Amazon for free and then read <u>The Wobbit</u> on your Mac, PC, smartphone or microwave oven. Visit </span></span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/ref=amb_link_357628962_14?ie=UTF8&docId=1000493771&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=left-1&pf_rd_r=0GM6T5S9MVDJ79KRY2M3&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=1322653562&pf_rd_i=133141011" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/</a></span></i></span></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div>Paul Ericksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12237966238684348671noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823989816703880049.post-61340959982049459542011-12-01T07:18:00.000-08:002011-12-01T07:20:16.508-08:00Bilbo-Bulbo Astrological Comparison Executive Summary<h3 style="color: #1b0431; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">In case the last post (A Bilbo-Bulbo Astrological Comparison) was too much for any non-astrologer readers out there, I have created a shorter Executive Summary. You do not need to be an executive to read it. It includes some of the most interesting points from the original Comparison. I have added some insightful comments of my own. </span></span></span></span></h3><h3 style="color: #1b0431; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></span></span></h3><h3 style="color: #1b0431; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">In general, the </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small;">Astrological </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small;">Comparison is a look at what a relationship between Bilbo Baggins (from <u>The Hobbit)</u> and Bulbo Bunkins (from <u>The Wobbit A Parody)</u> might be like if they met in an alternate reality.</span></h3><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="color: #0000ee;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">EXECUTIVE SUMMARY</span></div><div style="color: #0000ee;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><div><ul><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #0000ee; font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><h3><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Bulbo's </span></i></span></span><a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/planets.html#Sun" rel="nofollow" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Sun</span></i></span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> in </span></i></span></span><a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/Signs.html#Taurus" rel="nofollow" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Taurus</span></i></span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> and Bilbo's </span></i></span></span><a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/planets.html#Sun" rel="nofollow" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Sun</span></i></span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> in </span></i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/Signs.html#Virgo" rel="nofollow" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Virgo</span></i></span></a><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">: </span></i></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times, serif; font-size: small;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Bilbo is more precise and more of a perfectionist than Bulbo. Bilbo is also more easily worried and more inconsistent. Bulbo is steadier emotionally than Bilbo is, and Bilbo appreciates Bulbo's consistent nurturing, healing, and soothing qualities.</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> Of course Bulbo is steadier emotionally than Bilbo. He isn't independently wealthy like Bilbo, not at the start of the book, at least. Years of facing frustration and underemployment have strengthened him. More or less.</span></span></h3></span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><h3><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Bulbo's </span></i></span></span><a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/planets.html#Sun" rel="nofollow" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Sun</span></i></span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> </span></i></span></span><a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/aspects.html#Conjunct" rel="nofollow" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Conjunct</span></i></span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> Bilbo's </span></i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/planets.html#Uranus" rel="nofollow" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Uranus</span></i></span></a><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">: </span></i></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times, serif; font-size: small;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">You inspire each other to try new things, experiment, and investigate alternatives. You may have met each other, for example, during a time period when both of you were breaking free from traditional values and exploring new possibilities. </span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">They both go through a great deal of character development. Bilbo probably more-so, since he's in a longer book.</span></span></h3></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><h3><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Bilbo's</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> </span></i></span><a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/planets.html#Sun" rel="nofollow" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Sun</span></i></span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> </span></i></span></span><a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/aspects.html#Square" rel="nofollow" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Square</span></i></span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> Bulbo's </span></i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/planets.html#Moon" rel="nofollow" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Moon</span></i></span></a><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">: </span></i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times, serif; font-size: small;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">In particular, Bulbo often feels that Bilbo does not sympathize enough or try to really understand Bulbo's feelings.</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> Bilbo is not very sympathetic in general. And he certainly didn't understand the feelings of the dwarves as he was stuffing them into barrels to be thrown into a river. True, Bulbo did the same thing, but it was Bilbo's idea, and he did it first.</span></span></h3></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i>Bulbo's </i></span></span><a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/planets.html#Moon" rel="nofollow" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><i>Moon</i></span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i> </i></span></span><a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/aspects.html#Opposite" rel="nofollow" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><i>Opposite</i></span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i> Bilbo's </i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/planets.html#Mars" rel="nofollow" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><i>Mars</i></span></a><i>: </i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i>If they share an interest in the same sport (for example tennis or golf) they will enjoy competing against each other.</i> The sports in question would be darts, lawn bowling, and rootball, which is like football, but played with a rutabaga. Bulbo is a fan of that last one, but he never actually played the game.</span></span></span></li>
</ul><ul><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://astrology3d.com/planets.html#Ascendant" rel="nofollow" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><i>Ascendant</i></span></a></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i> in </i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><a href="http://astrology3d.com/Signs.html#Libra" rel="nofollow" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><i>Libr</i></span></a><i>a: </i></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times, serif; font-size: small;"><i>The two of you project an image of elegance and fine taste and you endeavor to surround yourselves with beauty. </i>Bilbo might be more elegant than Bulbo, but Bulbo is widely regarded as a maker of excellent cocktails. His Manhattan is especially sought-after.</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><h3><a href="http://astrology3d.com/planets.html#Moon" rel="nofollow" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Moon</span></span></i></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> in </span></span></i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://astrology3d.com/Signs.html#Taurus" rel="nofollow" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Taurus</span></span></i></span></a><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">: </span></span></i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">They're very good at pleasing each other on a sensual level. </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Here the astrologers certainly are referring to sensual pleasures like music, fine art, and gourmet dining, because this comparison is for "Moon in Taurus" rather than "Ascendant in Uranus."</span></span></span></h3></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><h3><a href="http://astrology3d.com/planets.html#Sun" rel="nofollow" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Sun</span></i></span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> </span></i></span></span><a href="http://astrology3d.com/aspects.html#Sesquiquadrate" rel="nofollow" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Sesquiquadrate</span></i></span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> </span></i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://astrology3d.com/planets.html#Jupiter" rel="nofollow" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Jupiter</span></i></span></a><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">: </span></i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times, serif; font-size: small;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">One of the purposes of their friendship is to inspire each other to aim higher, to do bigger things, to see much more of the world, and to expand their sense of what is possible.</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> Being "higher and expanding their sense of what is possible" comes primarily from the abuse of pipe-weed, mostly by Bilbo. Bulbo generally sticks to bourbon.</span></span></h3></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><h3><a href="http://astrology3d.com/planets.html#Sun" rel="nofollow" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Sun</span></i></span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> </span></i></span></span><a href="http://astrology3d.com/aspects.html#Square" rel="nofollow" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Square</span></i></span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> </span></i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://astrology3d.com/planets.html#Uranus" rel="nofollow" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Uranus</span></i></span></a><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">: </span></i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times, serif; font-size: small;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Periodic unexpected events and changes create an unsettled feeling between them, as if they can never quite relax. </span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Both Bilbo and Bulbo suffer from a lot of free-floating anxiety. Since his adventure and to this very day, Bulbo becomes moody every year on Derwin's Day, the fabled gift-giving holiday of the dwarves. His friend Pantsoff the Wizard once "prescribed" him some Xanax. but it didn't seem to help.</span></span></h3></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><h3><a href="http://astrology3d.com/planets.html#Moon" rel="nofollow" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Moon</span></i></span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> </span></i></span></span><a href="http://astrology3d.com/aspects.html#Semisquare" rel="nofollow" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Semisquare</span></span></i></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> </span></i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><a href="http://astrology3d.com/planets.html#Mercury" rel="nofollow" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Mercury</span></i></span></a><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">: </span></i></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times, serif; font-size: small;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">If they can respect one another's opinions and preferences, rather than get defensive, they'll find that they can tell one another very personal details of their lives, and end up being very close friends as a result.</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> If only they could! Perhaps a Bilbo-Bulbo crossover story is possible, if only the Tolkien Estate and the Saul Zaentz Company could be convinced.</span></span></h3><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: times, serif; font-size: small; font-weight: normal;"><br />
</span></div></span></li>
</ul></div><div style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"></div></span></span></div>Paul Ericksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12237966238684348671noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823989816703880049.post-41545761682242362452011-11-29T14:32:00.000-08:002011-11-29T14:35:00.707-08:00Astrological Comparison Between Bilbo Baggins and Bulbo Bunkins<center style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"><h3 style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Wobbit fan and reviewer The Alchemist has long asked the question "What if Bilbo and Bulbo met in a bar? Any bar, like The Prancing Pony or The Ass-Dragon Inn. If they met, would they get along?</span></span></span></span></h3><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><br />
</span></span></span></span></div><h3 style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">The Alchemist commissioned a study using cutting-edge astrological science to answer that very question, and the results are AMAZING. For the astrological purists out there (Wobbit fan and reviewer Pappy O'Daniel, for one) should be aware that since Bulbo and Bilbo are <i>fictional characters</i>, their fictional birthdates have not been used. Instead, she has used the publication dates of their respective books (</span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif; font-size: small; font-weight: normal;">September 21, 1937 for Bilbo and May 6, 2011 for Bulbo). This is a widely-respected technique for fictional horoscopes.</span></h3><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif; font-size: small; font-weight: normal;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">The comparison was prepared by the good people at </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">Astrology 3D, Inc. It was</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"> written to professional astrological standard</span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">s. My apologies for any truncation of the following charts.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 19px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small; font-weight: normal;"><br />
</span></b></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif; font-size: small; font-weight: normal;">Enjoy, and keep watching the skies!</span></div></div></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">To read my loving, insightful, full-length parody of <u>The Hobbit</u>, order a copy of my eBook <u>The Wobbit</u> on Amazon for only $3.00: <span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004ZR9ELK" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004ZR9ELK</a> . </span></span></span></i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><div style="color: #29303b; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></span></i></span></div><div style="color: #29303b; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">If you don't have a Kindle reader, you can download the Kindle app from Amazon for free and then read <u>The Wobbit</u> on your Mac, PC, smartphone or microwave oven. The download is easy: visit </span></span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/ref=amb_link_357628962_14?ie=UTF8&docId=1000493771&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=left-1&pf_rd_r=0GM6T5S9MVDJ79KRY2M3&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=1322653562&pf_rd_i=133141011" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/</a></span></i></span></div><div style="color: #29303b; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><i><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_758176994" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></a></i></span></div><div style="color: #29303b; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">To visit <u>The Wobbit</u> website: <a href="http://thewobbitaparody.com/" style="color: #473624; text-decoration: underline;">thewobbitaparody.com</a><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_2"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"></span></span></span></i></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><i><br />
</i></span></div></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif;"><br />
</span></div><h3>Comparison Report for Bilbo and Bulbo</h3></center><br />
<div class="nav" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; background-color: #9b99c7; border-bottom-color: rgb(155, 153, 200); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 5px; border-left-color: rgb(155, 153, 200); border-left-style: solid; border-right-color: rgb(155, 153, 200); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 10px; border-top-color: rgb(155, 153, 200); border-top-style: solid; color: #9b99c7; float: left; height: auto; left: 3px; top: 100px; width: auto;"><img src="http://astrology3d.com/tmp/tmpXbOSIh1.jpg" /><br />
<table><tbody>
<tr><th><img alt="Planets" src="http://astrology3d.com/rep_planets.jpg" /></th><th><img alt="Longitude" src="http://astrology3d.com/rep_longitudes.jpg" /></th><th><img alt="Declination" src="http://astrology3d.com/rep_declination.jpg" /></th></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">Sun</td><td bgcolor="#cc66cc">28 VI 4</td><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">0N46</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">Moon</td><td bgcolor="#cd65ff">11 AR 32</td><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">8N28</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">Mercury</td><td bgcolor="#cc66cc">15 VI 43</td><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">4N36</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">Venus</td><td bgcolor="#cd65ff">25 LE 35</td><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">13N37</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">Mars</td><td bgcolor="#cc66cc">24 SG 11</td><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">25S47</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">Jupiter</td><td bgcolor="#cd65ff">17 CP 34</td><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">22S44</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">Saturn</td><td bgcolor="#cc66cc">1 AR 59</td><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">1S35</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">Uranus</td><td bgcolor="#cd65ff">13 TA 15</td><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">15N25</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">Neptune</td><td bgcolor="#cc66cc">19 VI 3</td><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">5N18</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">Pluto</td><td bgcolor="#cd65ff">29 CN 47</td><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">22N53</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">Node</td><td bgcolor="#cc66cc">9 SG 35</td><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">21S54</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">Ascendant</td><td bgcolor="#cd65ff">3 SG 15</td><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">20S49</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">Midheaven</td><td bgcolor="#cc66cc">29 VI 45</td><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">0N06</td></tr>
</tbody></table><img src="http://astrology3d.com/tmp/tmpbVQmXT2.jpg" /><br />
<table><tbody>
<tr><th><img alt="Planets" src="http://astrology3d.com/rep_planets.jpg" /></th><th><img alt="Longitude" src="http://astrology3d.com/rep_longitudes.jpg" /></th><th><img alt="Declination" src="http://astrology3d.com/rep_declination.jpg" /></th></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">Sun</td><td bgcolor="#cc66cc">15 TA 52</td><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">16N35</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">Moon</td><td bgcolor="#cd65ff">25 GE 28</td><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">23N13</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">Mercury</td><td bgcolor="#cc66cc">19 AR 30</td><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">4N51</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">Venus</td><td bgcolor="#cd65ff">18 AR 52</td><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">5N51</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">Mars</td><td bgcolor="#cc66cc">26 AR 35</td><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">9N37</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">Jupiter</td><td bgcolor="#cd65ff">23 AR 39</td><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">8N10</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">Saturn</td><td bgcolor="#cc66cc">11 LI 33</td><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">2S05</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">Uranus</td><td bgcolor="#cd65ff">3 AR 0</td><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">0N32</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">Neptune</td><td bgcolor="#cc66cc">0 PI 43</td><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">11S42</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">Pluto</td><td bgcolor="#cd65ff">7 CP 19</td><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">18S43</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">Node</td><td bgcolor="#cc66cc">26 SG 21</td><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">23S22</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">Ascendant</td><td bgcolor="#cd65ff">26 LE 1</td><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">12N51</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">Midheaven</td><td bgcolor="#cc66cc">18 TA 55</td><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">17N27</td></tr>
</tbody></table></div><hr size="2" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;" /><h3 style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;">Bulbo's <a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/planets.html#Sun">Sun</a> in <a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/Signs.html#Taurus">Taurus</a> and Bilbo's <a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/planets.html#Sun">Sun</a> in <a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/Signs.html#Virgo">Virgo</a></h3><div style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"><span class="dropcap" style="color: teal; float: left; font: normal normal bold 200%/normal sans-serif; width: 24pt;">B</span>oth of you are practical and down to earth. Bilbo is more precise and more of a perfectionist than Bulbo. Bilbo is also more easily worried and more inconsistent. Bulbo is steadier emotionally than Bilbo is, and Bilbo appreciates Bulbo's consistent nurturing, healing, and soothing qualities. You make very good friends!</div><hr size="2" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;" /><h3 style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;">Bulbo's <a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/planets.html#Sun">Sun</a> <a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/aspects.html#Trine">Trine</a> Bilbo's <a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/planets.html#Mercury">Mercury</a></h3><div style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"><span class="dropcap" style="color: teal; float: left; font: normal normal bold 200%/normal sans-serif; width: 24pt;">T</span>he mental rapport that you two share is a big reason why you enjoy each other's company and are good friends. Communication is open and harmonious. You work together very well on practical affairs, daily chores, problem-solving, and business activities</div><hr size="2" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;" /><h3 style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;">Bulbo's <a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/planets.html#Sun">Sun</a> <a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/aspects.html#Trine">Trine</a> Bilbo's <a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/planets.html#Jupiter">Jupiter</a></h3><div style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"><span class="dropcap" style="color: teal; float: left; font: normal normal bold 200%/normal sans-serif; width: 24pt;">T</span>he two of you really enjoy each other's company! Bilbo has a great deal of confidence in Bulbo and is able to see Bulbo's best qualities. You are very encouraging and supportive of each other, helping each other to be more confident, open new doors, and advance and grow in both inner and outer ways. This positive note of good will and harmony is also invaluable in helping the two of you overcome differences in temperament and other stressful aspects of your relationship discussed elsewhere in this report.</div><hr size="2" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;" /><h3 style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;">Bulbo's <a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/planets.html#Sun">Sun</a> <a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/aspects.html#Conjunct">Conjunct</a> Bilbo's <a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/planets.html#Uranus">Uranus</a></h3><div style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"><span class="dropcap" style="color: teal; float: left; font: normal normal bold 200%/normal sans-serif; width: 24pt;">Y</span>ou inspire each other to try new things, experiment, and investigate alternatives. You may have met each other, for example, during a time period when both of you were breaking free from traditional values and exploring new possibilities. This is a good relationship for shared creative, innovative activities. You inspire each other, and have good times together, but you also find that commitments or contracts with each other are difficult to adhere to over time. This relationship works well as long as you don't make too many demands on each other</div><hr size="2" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;" /><h3 style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;">Bulbo's <a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/planets.html#Sun">Sun</a> <a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/aspects.html#Trine">Trine</a> Bilbo's <a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/planets.html#Neptune">Neptune</a></h3><div style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"><span class="dropcap" style="color: teal; float: left; font: normal normal bold 200%/normal sans-serif; width: 24pt;">T</span>he two of you have a strong intuitive understanding of each other, and you inspire each other's imagination, idealism, and aspirations. You help each other to become clearer about your ideals and religious inclinations, and together you develop a greater sense of meaning and purpose in your lives. You help each other to look beyond the daily problems and issues of your personal lives and focus more on altruistic goals and broader issues</div><hr size="2" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;" /><h3 style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;">Bilbo's <a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/planets.html#Sun">Sun</a> <a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/aspects.html#Square">Square</a> Bulbo's <a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/planets.html#Moon">Moon</a></h3><div style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"><span class="dropcap" style="color: teal; float: left; font: normal normal bold 200%/normal sans-serif; width: 24pt;">T</span>he distinct differences in your temperaments inclines you to periods of personality clashes and misunderstandings. In particular, Bulbo often feels that Bilbo does not sympathize enough or try to really understand Bulbo's feelings. Both of you will have to understand and respect your differences, and make a concerted effort to harmonize your very different temperaments.</div><hr size="2" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;" /><h3 style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;">Bulbo's <a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/planets.html#Moon">Moon</a> <a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/aspects.html#Sextile">Sextile</a> Bilbo's <a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/planets.html#Venus">Venus</a></h3><div style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"><span class="dropcap" style="color: teal; float: left; font: normal normal bold 200%/normal sans-serif; width: 24pt;">T</span>here is a great deal of warmth and kindness in this relationship. You do not hesitate to assist each other and you feel like family even if you are not biologically related</div><hr size="2" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;" /><h3 style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;">Bulbo's <a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/planets.html#Moon">Moon</a> <a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/aspects.html#Opposite">Opposite</a> Bilbo's <a href="http://astrology3d.com/cgi-bin/planets.html#Mars">Mars</a></h3><div style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"><span class="dropcap" style="color: teal; float: left; font: normal normal bold 200%/normal sans-serif; width: 24pt;">B</span>oth of you get into an energetic mood when you are together. If you share an interest in the same sport (for example tennis or golf) you will enjoy competing against each other. However, you easily become impatient with each other and easily provoke each other's anger and hostility. You will need to be careful to avoid becoming adversaries.</div><br />
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<center style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"><h3>Composite Report for Bilbo and Bulbo</h3></center><br />
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<table><tbody>
<tr><th><img alt="Planets" src="http://astrology3d.com/rep_planets.jpg" /></th><th><img alt="Longitude" src="http://astrology3d.com/rep_longitudes.jpg" /></th><th><img alt="Declination" src="http://astrology3d.com/rep_declination.jpg" /></th></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">Sun</td><td bgcolor="#cc66cc">21 CN 58</td><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">8N40</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">Moon</td><td bgcolor="#cd65ff">18 TA 29</td><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">15N50</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">Mercury</td><td bgcolor="#cc66cc">2 CN 36</td><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">4N43</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">Venus</td><td bgcolor="#cd65ff">22 GE 13</td><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">9N44</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">Mars</td><td bgcolor="#cc66cc">25 AQ 23</td><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">8S42</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">Jupiter</td><td bgcolor="#cd65ff">5 PI 36</td><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">7S27</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">Saturn</td><td bgcolor="#cc66cc">6 CP 46</td><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">2S50</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">Uranus</td><td bgcolor="#cd65ff">23 AR 7</td><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">7N58</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">Neptune</td><td bgcolor="#cc66cc">9 SG 53</td><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">3S30</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">Pluto</td><td bgcolor="#cd65ff">18 LI 33</td><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">2N48</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">Node</td><td bgcolor="#cc66cc">17 SG 58</td><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">22S38</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">Ascendant</td><td bgcolor="#cd65ff">14 LI 38</td><td bgcolor="#cd99ff">4S50</td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">Midheaven</td><td bgcolor="#cc66cc">24 CN 20</td><td bgcolor="#cd98cc">8N46</td></tr>
</tbody></table></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"><br />
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<hr size="2" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;" /><h3 style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"><a href="http://astrology3d.com/planets.html#Sun">Sun</a> in <a href="http://astrology3d.com/Signs.html#Cancer">Cancer</a></h3><div style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"><span class="dropcap" style="color: teal; float: left; font: normal normal bold 200%/normal sans-serif; width: 24pt;">T</span>he longer both of you stay together, the stronger your emotional dependency grows. You enjoy being supportive of one another. This is a warm, protective and deeply caring relationship. You are capable of extreme closeness </div><hr size="2" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;" /><h3 style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"><a href="http://astrology3d.com/planets.html#Moon">Moon</a> in <a href="http://astrology3d.com/Signs.html#Taurus">Taurus</a></h3><div style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"><span class="dropcap" style="color: teal; float: left; font: normal normal bold 200%/normal sans-serif; width: 24pt;">Y</span>our sense of emotional security in this relationship must be absolute. You like to feel that you possess each other. You're very good at pleasing each other on a sensual level. Stubborn attitudes may prolong your disagreements </div><hr size="2" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;" /><h3 style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"><a href="http://astrology3d.com/planets.html#Ascendant">Ascendant</a> in <a href="http://astrology3d.com/Signs.html#Libra">Libra</a></h3><div style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"><span class="dropcap" style="color: teal; float: left; font: normal normal bold 200%/normal sans-serif; width: 24pt;">Y</span>ou are an attractive couple. You love to socialize and people enjoy your company. You know how to charm. The two of you project an image of elegance and fine taste and you endeavor to surround yourselves with beauty. </div><hr size="2" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;" /><h3 style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"><a href="http://astrology3d.com/planets.html#Sun">Sun</a> <a href="http://astrology3d.com/aspects.html#Sesquiquadrate">Sesquiquadrate</a> <a href="http://astrology3d.com/planets.html#Jupiter">Jupiter</a></h3><div style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"><span class="dropcap" style="color: teal; float: left; font: normal normal bold 200%/normal sans-serif; width: 24pt;">O</span>ne of the purposes of your friendship is to inspire each other to aim higher, to do bigger things, to see much more of the world, and to expand your sense of what is possible. The energy generated when you are together inclines you to do things on a grand scale, and to constantly strive to expand, grow, and improve your lives.</div><div style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"><span class="dropcap" style="color: teal; float: left; font: normal normal bold 200%/normal sans-serif; width: 24pt;">I</span>nner growth and spiritual or psychological development are enhanced when you are together. Higher ideals, religion, philosophy, and the big questions of life will become a focus of your relationship, even if neither of you is especially oriented toward these subjects. There may well be differences and friction over these topics, but you both will learn about your own faith and beliefs via your friendship </div><hr size="2" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;" /><h3 style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"><a href="http://astrology3d.com/planets.html#Sun">Sun</a> <a href="http://astrology3d.com/aspects.html#Square">Square</a> <a href="http://astrology3d.com/planets.html#Uranus">Uranus</a></h3><div style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"><span class="dropcap" style="color: teal; float: left; font: normal normal bold 200%/normal sans-serif; width: 24pt;">Y</span>our friendship may or may not be long lasting, but it will always have a flavor of unpredictability, spontaneity, and surprise. Periodic unexpected events and changes create an unsettled feeling between you, as if you can never quite relax. However, you will never be bored with one another either.</div><div style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"><span class="dropcap" style="color: teal; float: left; font: normal normal bold 200%/normal sans-serif; width: 24pt;">Y</span>ou are destined to act as "awakeners" for one another. One of you may open the other to something totally new and different, even shocking, which revolutionizes the way you view the world and your place in it - something you may once have considered weird or too "far out". Always there will be the element of experimentation, of following the unexpected twist in the road. Being with one another encourages you both to be more free, unconventional, and impulsive than you might be otherwise </div><hr size="2" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;" /><h3 style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"><a href="http://astrology3d.com/planets.html#Moon">Moon</a> <a href="http://astrology3d.com/aspects.html#Semisquare">Semisquare</a> <a href="http://astrology3d.com/planets.html#Mercury">Mercury</a></h3><div style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"><span class="dropcap" style="color: teal; float: left; font: normal normal bold 200%/normal sans-serif; width: 24pt;">I</span>nevitably your communications with one another will be strongly colored by emotion, emotional prejudice and bias, and subjective elements, all of which often interfere with rational discussion. Part of the purpose of your relationship, in fact, has to do with examining your feelings, coming to understand them, and becoming aware of some of your basic assumptions and habitual beliefs which you may have never questioned before. Discussing your differences of opinion about these issues will enable you both to understand your roots, as well as your prejudices. If you can respect one another's opinions and preferences, rather than get defensive, you'll find that you can tell one another very personal details of your lives, and end up being very close friends as a result.</div><h4 style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;">Copyright © 1992-2009 Astrology 3D, Inc.</h4><h3 style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;">This report has been written to Professional Astrological Standards. It is meant for <a href="http://astrology3d.com/disclaimer.html">Awareness Entertainment</a></h3><div><br />
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</span></span>Paul Ericksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12237966238684348671noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823989816703880049.post-83146606618297283912011-11-15T20:07:00.000-08:002011-11-15T20:09:54.349-08:00A Long Expected Brunch, Part 3: The Arrival Of Pantsoff (from The Superfriends Of The Ring)<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Days past and The Day Of Bulbo Bunkins' Party drew near, whether young Promo Bunkins liked it or not. An odd-looking waggon (you or I would call it a “wagon”) laden with odd-looking packages and paraphernalia toiled up the hill to Bulbo’s condo in the Bug End neighborhood of Wobbiton. It was being driven by an odd-looking old man, not a wobbit. He wore immense black wing-tip boots and an unnecessary, affected scarf. He had a long, bushy moustache that stuck out beyond the brim of his hat. Many wobbits believed it to be nose hair. The bundles, the cart, and even the horse were each labeled with a large red P.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">That was Pantsoff’s mark, of course, and it was Pantsoff the Wizard driving the cart. Years as a contractor had made him keenly aware of the business value of Branding, so he put his mark on everything, even things that weren’t his. He was famous in Wobbiton for his fireworks, as well as the fires and smokes that often resulted from them. Pantsoff dabbled in project management during the off-season, and in wizardry on a cash-only basis. As the waggon rolled past, some young wobbit toughs shouted after him “What’s the ‘P’ stand for, old man? P as in…” Pantsoff quickly turned and silenced them by flipping a promotional P-rune beverage coaster at their leader’s head. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">“Run away now, you little punks!” said Pantsoff. “There’s more where that came from, and I’m not afraid to use it!” </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div style="color: #29303b; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Keep coming back for more of<u> Superfriends Of The Ring</u>. To read my loving, insightful, full-length parody of <u>The Hobbit</u>, order a copy of my eBook <u>The Wobbit</u> on Amazon for only $3.00: <span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004ZR9ELK" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004ZR9ELK</a> . </span></span></span></i></span></div><div style="color: #29303b; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></span></i></span></div><div style="color: #29303b; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">If you don't have a Kindle reader, you can download the Kindle app from Amazon for free and then read <u>The Wobbit</u> on your Mac, PC, smartphone or microwave oven. The download is easy, just visit </span></span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/ref=amb_link_357628962_14?ie=UTF8&docId=1000493771&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=left-1&pf_rd_r=0GM6T5S9MVDJ79KRY2M3&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=1322653562&pf_rd_i=133141011" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/</a></span></i></span></div><div style="color: #29303b; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><i><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_758176994" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></a></i></span></div><div style="color: #29303b; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">To visit <u>The Wobbit</u> website: <a href="http://thewobbitaparody.com/" style="color: #473624; text-decoration: underline;">thewobbitaparody.com</a><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_2"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"></span></span></span></i></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><i><br />
</i></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #29303b; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"></span></span>Paul Ericksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12237966238684348671noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823989816703880049.post-36999818573649535382011-11-05T15:54:00.000-07:002011-11-05T15:58:09.258-07:00GET A FREE WOBBIT COLLECTIBLE!<div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-5274130229032003665" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.4; position: relative; width: 570px;"><b><br />
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1. Become a Follower of this blog, <b><i>and</i></b></div><div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-5274130229032003665" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.4; position: relative; width: 570px;"><b><i></i></b> 2. Send your PHYSICAL (SNAIL MAIL) ADDRESS to me at </div><div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-5274130229032003665" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.4; position: relative; width: 570px;"> thewobbitaparody@sbcglobal.net<br />
<ol></ol><div>No salesman will come to your door. Your Collectible Wobbit Ironic Bookmark will ship in 24 hours, and will be autographed by me! If you would like your bookmark to <b><i>not</i></b> be autographed, be sure to say so in the text of your email. Non-Autographed Bookmarks are available at no extra charge. Postage and handling are free.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Please Note: The Wobbit Ironic Bookmark is NOT intended for use with your copy of <u>The Wobbit</u>. It is excellent for marking the place in whatever book you're reading now, because you'll stop reading it as soon as you order <u>The Wobbit</u> from Amazon.<br />
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</div><div>Thanks again!</div><div><br />
</div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>-Paul </i></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Paul Erickson</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Author, <u>The Wobbit A Parody</u></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br />
</i></span></div><div style="clear: both;"></div></div><div class="post-footer" style="background-color: #eee9dd; border-bottom-color: rgb(238, 238, 238); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; color: #666555; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.6; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: -2px; margin-right: -2px; margin-top: 20px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 5px;"></div>Paul Ericksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12237966238684348671noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823989816703880049.post-43273182344992279772011-10-27T09:03:00.000-07:002012-02-06T19:04:38.686-08:00Bonus Scene: Prologue To The Prologue (from The Superfriends Of The Ring)<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">MEMO</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">RE: Bulbo’s Book May Not Have Been Entirely Accurate</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">From: Galadtameecha, Owner, Elf Resorts International</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">To: The Allies Of Goodness</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The world is changed, and nobody likes change.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I can feel it at the water cooler, I can smell it in the break room. Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember it. Let me explain.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">It seems that in his book <u>There Goes My Back Again</u> (published in the Uttermost North as <u>The Wobbit</u>), the former contractor/thief Bulbo Bunkins may not have expressed two key concepts of the book with complete accuracy. This has created great confusion and must be addressed.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">In case any of us are unclear about these concepts (I here address myself to the Wizard and Project Manager Pantsoff, in the unlikely event that he is actually reading this memo), let me be specific.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">First of all, the ring that Bulbo “won” from the creature Gol-Gol is not a run-of-the-mill Ring Of Invisibility, such as you or I might swap for a Holocaust Cloak or a Wheelbarrow. It is, in fact, the most powerful and evil object in Little Earth.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">It seems like it was only yesterday that the Really Great Rings were forged. Three were given to the Elves, of course, because they were the best rings available at the time. Seven were given to the Dwarves, because the great fathers of the dwarves, the creators of the song “Heigh Ho,” also numbered seven. Nine were given to the Kings Of Men, because the Queens Of Women felt the rings were too gaudy.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">But they were all of them bamboozled, for another ring, a really REALLY great ring was made. In the land of Bordor, in the fires of Mount Dum-da-dum-dum he created it. The Lord and CEO of Bordor Enslavement, Banking And Destruction, Smoron contracted the forging of a super-ring to control the others. Into it he poured his impatience, his pettiness and his will to grow his corporation through acquisition. He could never have afforded to forge it in Bordor, so instead hired a skilled craftsman from the Uttermost South who did brilliant work at a very competitive rate. The ring was named after this craftsman: The Juan Ring.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">One by one, the freedom-loving lands of Little Earth were either destroyed or bought out through the power of The Ring, but there were some who insisted on negotiating better deals. A Nearly Last Alliance of Elves and Men, who were to be allied many more times in the future as The Allies Of Goodness, marched against the Axis Of Evil.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The goblins and trolls and rargs that attacked were hideous. The air was filled with our arrows and their screams. The skies were unfortunately cloudy despite a forecast for a mild, sunny day. The allies were about to win the day when Smoron made a rare personal appearance. Even though he was an elf, his form was that of a giant warrior with uncomfortably spiky armor, which may explain his bad attitude that day. He was smoting Elves and Men all over the place. He was about to smote Isadora, son of the late King Of Men, Ellen-Doll, but he first stepped on Isadora’s sword, Nasal, and broke it in twain out of sheer spite.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">But Isadora took the hilt of Nasal and somehow killed Smoron. No one knows how. I didn’t see it myself. Enron tells me it was a cheap shot to the groin, but others report that there was a weak spot in Smoron’s armor just inside the left breast. In any event, Smoron slowly vanished with a cry of “You cursed brat! Look what you've done! I'm melting! What a world! Who would have thought a pathetic human like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness? Oh, look out! I'm going! Oh! Oh!”<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">His size 72 Extra-Tall suit of armor was left behind, useless to Isadora even with significant alterations. But Isadora noticed that The Ring magically re-sized itself. He picked it up but didn’t try it on, perhaps because he was wearing gloves. Others say he didn’t like it initially because it looked like a wedding band and he was unmarried. But he knew value when he saw it, so he kept it.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">On the way home from the battle, Isadora was ambushed by a gang of goblins. They hadn’t yet heard that the battle was over and their <i>capo di tutti capo</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> had been vaporized. Isadora had discovered that The Juan Ring would make him invisible, so he dove into a nearby river to escape. What he didn’t know was that The Juan Ring would not give him the power to breath underwater, hold his breath indefinitely, or swim in full armor. He drowned, of course.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The Ring managed to swim like a scallop, jetting through the water by expanding and contracting, until it came to a new bearer, the most annoying creature imaginable. No one knows for sure, but we can assume he said something like “Well, looky here! I’m gonna call you My Precious, I say, My Precious!”<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">His name was Gol-Gol, and he was kind of crazy to begin with, but wearing The Juan Ring turned out to have some undesirable mental side effects. Again, we can guess that his internal dialogue, which he always spoke aloud, was along the lines of “Mine, I say, all mine! With your help, Precious, I’ll kill scrawny little goblins and eat them raw in a cave for the next thousand years! Bwa-ha-ha-ha!” That was mostly The Ring talking.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Finally, it was stolen by the aforementioned thief, Bulbo Bunkins, a Wobbit from Wobbiton. He invoked the ancient rule of Finders Keepers when he removed The Ring from Gol-gol’s dismal home and tucked it into his little waistcoat. Bulbo reports that the last thing he heard Gol-gol say was “Carn sarn it! Bunkins! We hates, I say, we hates it forever!”<br />
He didn’t stick around to see what would happen next.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">In addition to his incomplete story of The Juan Ring, Bulbo also reported in his book that according to Pantsoff, Smoron had been defeated. While Pantsoff certainly said this, the statement is dangerously wrong. It is certainly true that The Axis Of Evil was defeated at the Battle Of Six Or Seven Armies, thanks to the last-minute arrivals of The King Of The Eagles and his Squadron Of The Eagles, as well as The Incredible Bjork.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">It is also true that Smoron, while attempting to rebrand himself as “The Neccomancer,” was defeated by The Superwizard Council and thrown out of his corporate headquarters in Murkywood Forest. Unfortunately, though defeated, he melted away as he did at the hands of Isadora. Pantsoff was supposed to seal Smoron’s melting remains in an Invincibilium capsule to prevent this, but he was busy posing for a victory portrait at the time.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">To sum up, The Juan Ring is far more dangerous than Pantsoff realizes, and Smoron is still at large and dangerous, despite melting away twice. If you see Pantsoff, please let him know. Action needs to be taken immediately to avoid market instability that would diminish the fortunes of us all.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><i></i></span><br />
<div style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Keep coming back for more of<u> Superfriends Of The Ring</u>. To read my loving, insightful, full-length parody of </span><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The Hobbit</span></u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">, order a copy of my eBook </span><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The Wobbit</span></u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> on Amazon for only $3.00: </span><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004ZR9ELK" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004ZR9ELK</a> . </span></span></span></i></span></div><div style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><br />
</span></span></span></i></span></div><div style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">If you don't have a Kindle reader, you can download the Kindle app from Amazon for free and then read <u>The Wobbit</u> on your Mac, PC, smartphone or microwave oven. The download is easy, just visit </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/ref=amb_link_357628962_14?ie=UTF8&docId=1000493771&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=left-1&pf_rd_r=0GM6T5S9MVDJ79KRY2M3&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=1322653562&pf_rd_i=133141011" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/</a></span></i></span></div><div style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_758176994" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;"><br />
</a></span></i></span></div><div style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">To visit <u>The Wobbit</u> website: <a href="http://thewobbitaparody.com/">thewobbitaparody.com</a></span><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_2"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"></span></span></span></i></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"></span><br />
<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br />
</span></div>Paul Ericksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12237966238684348671noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823989816703880049.post-25889134170869361622011-10-27T08:59:00.000-07:002012-05-24T18:34:30.893-07:00A Long-Expected Brunch, part 1 (from The Superfriends Of The Ring)<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">When Mr. Bulbo Bunkins of Bug End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday with a brunch of special magnificence, no one expected that such a wealthy wobbit would only offer a cash bar.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Bulbo was very rich and very peculiar, and regarded by his neighbors as “queer.” Sixty years earlier he had taken a contract job as a consultant which had, against all odds, won him a fortune. Even more annoying to his neighbors was the fact that he seemed to stop aging. At ninety he was much the same as fifty. At ninety-nine he looked fifty-one. At one-hundred-one he looked forty-nine. At one-hundred one he looked fifty again. At one-hundred-ten people began to say </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">he’s had some work done</span></i><span style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">, but they secretly thought </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">he has a portrait in his basement that ages instead of him</span></i><span style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">. This was ridiculous, because he lived in a basement apartment underneath a beauty salon, and any magic portraits would have to be hidden somewhere else.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">“It will have to be paid for,” they said. “He must be using some expensive vitamin therapy for the super-rich, because his diet is horrible and he gets no exercise. Mega-doses aren’t natural, and trouble will come of it!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">But so far, trouble had not come. Although he was cheap by nature, Bulbo had always tipped generously and bribed freely just so his neighbor wobbits would leave him alone. He remained on visiting terms with his relatives (except, of course, the Snackbag-Bunkinses) and was adored by the local riff-raff for his well-publicized but surprisingly rare acts of charity. Like most Dorks (the family on his mother’s side) he had no close friends until his younger cousins were old enough to join him for late nights of role-playing games.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Bilbo’s favorite cousin was young Promo Bunkins. Since the mysterious deaths of his parents, Promo had lived with his cousins the Buckiebrands of Buckiebrand Hall in nearby Buckieland. It was easy to remember the mailing address.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">At the age of ninety-nine Bulbo adopted Promo and made him his heir. They had the same birthday, September 22, which seemed to Promo to be a suspicious reason to adopt someone. And since Promo was a </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">tweenager</span></i><span style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> at the time, he was not looking forward to having combined birthday parties with Bulbo. A hundred-year-old guy is usually not much fun to party with, even if he looks fifty.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><div style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Keep coming back for more of<u> Superfriends Of The Ring</u>. To read my loving, insightful, full-length parody of </span><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The Hobbit</span></u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">, order a copy of my eBook </span><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The Wobbit</span></u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> on Amazon for only $3.00: </span><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004ZR9ELK" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004ZR9ELK</a> . </span></span></span></i></div><div style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><i><br />
</i></span></span></span></div><div style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">If you don't have a Kindle reader, you can download the Kindle app from Amazon for free and then read <u>The Wobbit</u> on your Mac, PC, smartphone or microwave oven. The download is easy, just visit </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/ref=amb_link_357628962_14?ie=UTF8&docId=1000493771&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=left-1&pf_rd_r=0GM6T5S9MVDJ79KRY2M3&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=1322653562&pf_rd_i=133141011" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/</a></span></i></div><div style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_758176994" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;"><i><br />
</i></a></span></div><div style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">To visit <u>The Wobbit</u> website: </span><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_2"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_758176994" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.thewobbitaparody.com</a></span></span></span></i></div></div>Paul Ericksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12237966238684348671noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823989816703880049.post-50218387073751023242011-10-27T08:56:00.000-07:002011-10-27T08:56:59.205-07:00A Long-Expected Brunch, part 2 (from Superfriends Of The Ring)Promo endured twelve years of combined birthday parties, not realizing that Bulbo had something quite exceptional planned for when Promo turned thirty-three, his wobbit “coming of age”. Bulbo was going to be <i>eleventy-one</i><span style="font-style: normal;">, a clearly Dorkish way of saying one hundred eleven. (The Old Dork himself had only reached 130 due to a raw diet and hyperbaric therapy) 111 is a very respectable age for a wobbit, since they tend to die in middle-age from “death by misadventure” or from illnesses caused by poor personal habits.</span><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal">In anticipation of the coming event, tongues began to wag in Wobbiton and Buythewater, like the tails of so many animal-shelter dogs. Local wobbit Ham Sammich, known as the Grasper, took this as an opportunity to share his anecdotes about tending the gardens at Bulbo’s condo. Bunkins had purchased his apartment below Virginia’s Beauty Parlor when he became rich. Trying to live up to his new role of “job creator,” he hired Sammich as gardener, primarily because it meant his new servant would never have any duties inside the condo. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Sammich, who Bulbo employed without benefits, was a dreadful old bore. He was old, but actually younger than Bulbo, but because of Bulbo’s mysterious eternal middle-age, Sammich acted like his cranky grand-dad. The Grasper attributed his own long life to avoiding work and drinking beer, and did both regularly at a small inn called the Ivy Drip. He was addressing a small audience. Small even for wobbits.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“I swear,” slurred Ham, “tha’ Misser Bulbo’s all right!” Bulbo indulged Ham’s belief in his own genius at growing rutabagas. “Master Hammich,” Bulbo would often say, “you’re awesome at growing rutabagas!” But Bulbo wasn’t around at the moment. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Sure, Bulbo’s all right,” said Daddy Shortlegs (a neighbor of the Grasper), “but who’s this young Promo Bunkins that lives with him? Bunkins or not, he’s really a Buckiebrand from Buckie Hall, where folks are so queer.” </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“You’re right, Dad!” said the Grasper. “And I’ve never seen tha’ young Promo out on a date. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. They do have queer ways in Buckieland, across th’ Buckiewine River. Still, as long as his ‘dad’ keeps paying my wages, tha’ Promo is all right, too.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Did I ever tell you about how Promo’s parents died mysteriously?” the Grasper said. “Promo told me in the strictest confidence, so if you repeat this, tell everyone it’s a secret.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“You don’t say, Grasper!” said Ted Sandywobbit, the Wobbiton miller, who always liked to butt in.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Oh, yeah! Prob’ly killed each other! Mr. Drono Bunkins and tha’ poor Miss Tremula Buckiebrand. They were paddleboating on a second honeymoon at the Murkywood Wood-Elf Lodge when the paddleboat capsized. Horseplay was suspected, or perhaps even rough-housing. And they were both somehow related to Bulbo. Tha’s even more mysterious.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“That doesn’t sound mysterious at all. Not much of a story. More of an anecdote. I hate those paddleboats, all that pedaling. No wonder they fell in.” The miller was hard to please.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Anyway, Promo went to live with the Buckiebrands until Mr. Bulbo adopted him. What a shock tha’ must have been to the Snackbag-Bunkinses. First his eternal middle-age and then a new beneficiary suspiciously being named.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“What about the rootball card collection, and all the silver and gold?” said Daddy. “And the jools?’</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“The what?”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“I’m sorry, the ‘jewels.’ What about them?”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“He never had any jewels,” Ham said, “and Mr. Bulbo refused to diversify his portfolio, taking only gold as payment on his contract instead. As for his rootball memorabilia, all of the cards, programs, merchandise, jerseys, and even a rare game ball are all going to Promo. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“But my boy Sham can tell you all about that.” Ham’s son, Sham Sammich, was following in his footsteps, which meant drinking and watching rootball games while on the clock for Mr. Bulbo. There was hardly enough work for one of them. “Sham’s a rootball nut! He knows the rules better than a referee. The game’s not the same anymore. All the expansion teams ruined it. It’s a huge waste of time in my opinion.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><i>“Horsecollar tackles and false starts!</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> I says to him. </span><i>Rutabagas and ghost-payrolling are good enough for me and you! Pay attention or you’ll get caught goofing off!</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> I says.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“You can says what you want, but that Bulbo’s got strange interests beyond rootball,” said Sandywobbit. “Visits from comic book collectors and weird foreign musicians. He’s even had dwarves calling after normal business hours, with that old self-employed “wizard,” Pantsoff. Bug End is a queer place, and it’s folk queerer. Queerer by the moment, in fact.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Shouldn’t you be at your mill, doing your milling, Mr. Sandywobbit?” said Ham. “All I know is my Sham is going to Mr. Bulbo’s party. I hope he brings a date.”<br />
<br />
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<div style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Keep coming back for more of<u> Superfriends Of The Ring</u>. </span></i></div><div style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></i></div><div style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">To read my loving, insightful, full-length parody of </span><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The Hobbit</span></u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">, order a copy of my eBook </span><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The Wobbit</span></u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> on Amazon for only $3.00: </span><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004ZR9ELK" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004ZR9ELK</a> . </span></span></span></i></div><div style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><i><br />
</i></span></span></span></div><div style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">If you don't have a Kindle reader, you can download the Kindle app from Amazon for free and then read <u>The Wobbit</u> on your Mac, PC, smartphone or microwave oven. The download is easy, just visit </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/ref=amb_link_357628962_14?ie=UTF8&docId=1000493771&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=left-1&pf_rd_r=0GM6T5S9MVDJ79KRY2M3&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=1322653562&pf_rd_i=133141011" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/</a></span></i></div><div style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_758176994" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;"><i><br />
</i></a></span></div><div style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">To visit <u>The Wobbit</u> website: </span><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_2"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_758176994" style="color: #993300; text-decoration: none;">http://www.thewobbitaparody.com</a></span></span></span></i></div><div><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1314884914_2"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
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</div>Paul Ericksonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12237966238684348671noreply@blogger.com2