The Gobfather, Goblin King of the Moisty Mountains

The Gobfather, Goblin King of the Moisty Mountains
from The Wobbit A Parody

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Thursday, December 1, 2011

Bilbo-Bulbo Astrological Comparison Executive Summary

In case the last post (A Bilbo-Bulbo Astrological Comparison) was too much for any non-astrologer readers out there, I have created a shorter Executive Summary. You do not need to be an executive to read it. It includes some of the most interesting points from the original Comparison. I have added some insightful comments of my own. 

In general, the Astrological Comparison is a look at what a relationship between Bilbo Baggins (from The Hobbit) and Bulbo Bunkins (from The Wobbit A Parody) might be like if they met in an alternate reality.


  • Bulbo's Sun in Taurus and Bilbo's Sun in VirgoBilbo is more precise and more of a perfectionist than Bulbo. Bilbo is also more easily worried and more inconsistent. Bulbo is steadier emotionally than Bilbo is, and Bilbo appreciates Bulbo's consistent nurturing, healing, and soothing qualities. Of course Bulbo is steadier emotionally than Bilbo. He isn't independently wealthy like Bilbo, not at the start of the book, at least. Years of facing frustration and underemployment have strengthened him. More or less.

  • Bulbo's Sun Conjunct Bilbo's UranusYou inspire each other to try new things, experiment, and investigate alternatives. You may have met each other, for example, during a time period when both of you were breaking free from traditional values and exploring new possibilities. They both go through a great deal of character development. Bilbo probably more-so, since he's in a longer book.

  • Bilbo's Sun Square Bulbo's MoonIn particular, Bulbo often feels that Bilbo does not sympathize enough or try to really understand Bulbo's feelings. Bilbo is not very sympathetic in general. And he certainly didn't understand the feelings of the dwarves as he was stuffing them into barrels to be thrown into a river. True, Bulbo did the same thing, but it was Bilbo's idea, and he did it first.

  • Bulbo's Moon Opposite Bilbo's MarsIf they share an interest in the same sport (for example tennis or golf) they will enjoy competing against each other. The sports in question would be darts, lawn bowling, and rootball, which is like football, but played with a rutabaga. Bulbo is a fan of that last one, but he never actually played the game.
  • Ascendant in Libra: The two of you project an image of elegance and fine taste and you endeavor to surround yourselves with beauty. Bilbo might be more elegant than Bulbo, but Bulbo is widely regarded as a maker of excellent cocktails. His Manhattan is especially sought-after.
  • Moon in TaurusThey're very good at pleasing each other on a sensual level. Here the astrologers certainly are referring to sensual pleasures like music, fine art, and gourmet dining, because this comparison is for "Moon in Taurus" rather than "Ascendant in Uranus."

  • Sun Sesquiquadrate JupiterOne of the purposes of their friendship is to inspire each other to aim higher, to do bigger things, to see much more of the world, and to expand their sense of what is possible. Being "higher and expanding their sense of what is possible" comes primarily from the abuse of pipe-weed, mostly by Bilbo. Bulbo generally sticks to bourbon.

  • Sun Square UranusPeriodic unexpected events and changes create an unsettled feeling between them, as if they can never quite relax. Both Bilbo and Bulbo suffer from a lot of free-floating anxiety. Since his adventure and to this very day, Bulbo becomes moody every year on Derwin's Day, the fabled gift-giving holiday of the dwarves. His friend Pantsoff the Wizard once "prescribed" him some Xanax. but it didn't seem to help.

  • Moon Semisquare MercuryIf they can respect one another's opinions and preferences, rather than get defensive, they'll find that they can tell one another very personal details of their lives, and end up being very close friends as a result. If only they could! Perhaps a Bilbo-Bulbo crossover story is possible, if only the Tolkien Estate and the Saul Zaentz Company could be convinced.


  1. Nice Exectuive Summary, If I do say so myself.

    From The Esteemed Commissioner.

  2. Thanks again, Alchemist, for all the astrology!