The Gobfather, Goblin King of the Moisty Mountains

The Gobfather, Goblin King of the Moisty Mountains
from The Wobbit A Parody

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Thursday, December 15, 2011

#4 Bulbo's Secret Plan (from The Superfriends Of The Ring)

Outside of Bulbo’s condo behind the beauty salon, he and Pantsoff sat smoking their pipes. It was a filthy habit Bulbo had picked up on their project with Borin Oakmanfield and the dwarves, and he had trouble quitting it, somehow. He blew an expert smoke ring that rose away over the garden that Ham and his son Sham Sammich tended for minimum wage. Pantsoff blew a series of rings that linked together to spell out Pantsoff The Wizard, your one-stop project management solution! As the cloud drifted, it flashed different colors.

“I think I need a holiday,” said Bulbo.

“A holiday from what?” said Pantsoff. “You haven’t done a day’s work since the Oakmanfield Project!”

“A vacation, then. You know, my plan, my secret plan. At the party, with my little joke.”

“The one about the elf and his proctologist?”

“No,” said Bulbo. “The one where I disappear from my own party and leave the bar bill for the Snackbag-Bunkinses.”

“Ah,” said Pantsoff. “Not much of a joke, really. More of a prank. Who will laugh, I wonder?”

The next day more carts rolled up to the beauty salon. There might have been some grumbling along the lines of “Shop locally!” or “Support small businesses!” but that very week orders started pouring out to community merchants, requiring Bulbo to pay the Wobbiton sales tax. Deliveries were made of bulk-package hors d’oeuvres, boxes of wine, countless rolls of crepe paper decorations and every cheap party commodity you can imagine.

Before long, invitations began pouring out. The service at the Wobbiton post-office became even slower than ever, and the one in Buythewater township simply closed until vagrants could be rounded up to help. Bulbo blamed these “guest workers” for the low volume of RSVPs. In fact, his pre-stamped response cards reading Thank you, I shall certainly come, with one guest were mostly sitting on kitchen counters and dining room tables from Bug End to Bugger Heights. Bulbo was never to get an accurate headcount.

Keep coming back for more of Superfriends Of The Ring. To read my loving, insightful, full-length parody of The Hobbit,  order a copy of my eBook The Wobbit on Amazon for only $3.00: .  

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  1. More SFOTR, huzza !
    A nice little Christmas bonus.

  2. Hello, John! I haven't heard the word "huzza" since I worked at the renaissance faire in Bristol (Wisconsin, just north of Chicago. I guess that we were using it correctly with our tights and fake accents

    So far, a mix of about 70% book and 30% book seems to be working. Yesterday I got a question about how I would handle Gandalf v. The Balrog, but there are SO MANY choices for what his last words could be! One of my favorites as Pantsoff is getting pulled into the abyss is "Right now, I wish he COULD fly. What are those wings for, anyway? Is he part ostrich?"

  3. Merry Christmas to you, John! I hope you had a good Boxing Day and/or St. Stephens Day, too. (I hope at least one of those is right.) My Christmas was wonderful. My sister and her family are visiting from Mississippi for a few days, which is always fun.